Review: Movember

by eric


Movember is when men grow moustaches in November for charity. GET IT? ISN’T THAT CUTE?
 
MOVEMBER SCENARIO
ACT 1, SCENE 1

SETTING OFFICE:

MAN 1: Hey fellows, let’s grow moustaches!
MAN 2: But moustaches aren’t cool, I read it in a blog or someone told me that once. Even though my father, his father etc probably had one.
MAN 3: Yeah.  They are only worn ironically, whatever that means, by todays standards. If you wear one you are a “hipster”, whatever that means, which is bad.  Moustaches are a fucking joke, for some reason.
MAN 4: Yeah fuck them!  
MAN 5:  Even though obviously we want to grow mustaches because they look tough, cool and men have worn them for hundreds and hundreds of years.
ALL THE MEN: Of course! If only we had the balls!
MAN 6:  I just got this fax from Australia. If we grow them for charity its ok.
MAN 7: Is it corporate sanctioned?
MAN 8: According to the faxed document held by man 6, YES!
ALL THE MEN: HUZZAH!

END SCENE

I know what you are thinking: Eric that is a bit unfair and vindictive. Afterall, Movember is for charity and for good fun.  Well, Movember started it.  

Confession Time: I like wearing a moustache and enjoy seeing them around town. I am not being ironic.  

But popular sentiment was that moustaches went out of style in the 1990’s. Fair enough.  Then time passed and moustaches became ironic in the popular eye so if you were to grow them you were an asshole. But that sentiment was beginning to pass until Movember became popular and now moustaches have been sanctioned as OK only in November.

SO IF I WEAR A MOUSTACHE NOW AND
1) If it’s not November people say “Hey Asshole, it’s not Movember.”
2) If it is Movember “Hey asshole, you’re doing a good thing” (even though I’m NOT doing shit)

The Real Facts

1) Movember is trying to rewrite History.
2) Movember was invented by Austrailians (eye rolls, shudders).
3) Movember is not the boss of me.

In conclusion: I don’t think you are an asshole if you participate in Movember. And I’m certainly not an asshole if I wear one whenever I damn well please because your children will want to wear them and need role models and some day me, your child, and your father will all make fun of you when we are fishing together without you, all with moustache.  Alternatively, just keep your moustache past November if you actually like it.


ALSO: Why aren’t goatees subjected to such treatment because they are actually, for the most part, big fucking jokes.

RATING: 1 000 000 Goatees out of 1 000 000 Goatees (not good)