by: erin, as critiqued by eric.
When Eric and I lived together he always used to tell me I “used too much rouge”. I thought this was hilarious.
by: erin.
hi guys. i finally wrote a review in the style of “critical TO” ie: myself ie: stopped pussy-footing around. (BEST TERM EVER?! jk yuck.).
read my review of yukon blonde.
also this is a great excuse not to write an original post right now. rightrighwrite?
by: erin.
Rating: Not bad.
by: erin.
i’ve been there a couple times since my first review and just wanted to say i like it now. not that i didn’t before…i just like it more now. 1) i avoid sitting in the booths and 2) a story:
last friday i was there with a couple friends and a friend from london works there and he made us so many delicious, complex, confusing cocktails that i lost my keys, tried to catch a pigeon, and spent the next day in bed. PARTY.
Rating: 10/10
by: eric.
I didn’t think much of the Big Bang Theory. But I just put it on and the guy had built a robotic arm to jerk him off but it malfunctioned and he was afraid it would it rip his dong off. The viewer will notice that there was no attempt to make the robot arm look human. The Big Bang Theory rules.
3 Big Bags Of Approval
by: erin.
Trynna eat a bit healthier. Which is what I say almost every day but so far I HAVE THE ENTIRE DAY ONE WHOLE DAY YES. (…still lots of time to binge on glorious bread and butter, etc).
For dinner I made something CLEAN-approved (eyeroll I know).
Ground turkey, mushrooms, onions, a ton of spices (tarragon, curry powder, sage, etcetc) on top of raw spinach and brown rice.
I’m not ready to commit to actually doing the cleanse (BIG SURPRISE) and if it asked me to marry it I would say no. I AM going to try and cut out dairy, gluten, soy, nightshades, etc.
Sooo would’ve been better with butter and/or cheese and/or cream but it was pretty tasty for something Gwyneth Paltrow would eat.
6/10.
by: eric.
I have always avoided Stephen King books because I tend to avoid spooky shit in fiction. In real life I’m fine with potential paranormal places and situations such as supposedly haunted houses, grave yards, funeral homes and Pentecostal church services because I have yet to see any really spooky shit and have the long standing belief that, if I did, it would enhance my life (spiritually, financially or narratively). I do try to avoid girls when they get together and do goofy witch shit but that is because they don’t have a sense of humour about it.
But when it comes to horror type genres I am chicken shit. The absolute worst is gimmicky suspense killer movies. I refuse to watch them because the tension makes me shrilly and also farty. It’s not fun and I end up just being pissed off, morose, embarrassed and the room smells.
You see I prefer not to feel negative emotions except when these emotions are a worthy reprimand for negative actions, are necessary reciprocity to good emotions (ie mourning someone you loved when they were alive), or challenge me on top of making me feel negative. If I’m going to get scared and tense it should be worth it. Most horror is simply not worth it as it inspires no emotional or mental productivity in me.
This pretty much encompasses all fictional horror. I do like true life accounts, particularly when they are about:
1. Alien abduction
2. Ghosts/Possessions
3. Mothmen
And so Stephen King’s fiction had no appeal to me. But I heard an interview with him on Q and learned 11/22/63 is about time travel. And how much horror can be in time travel?
BUT it turns out that 11/22/63 is not at all scary and my whole horror stance is moot. It starts out amazing until sentimentality is introduced in the second act and it loses momentum although stays interesting enough. A quick read for how long it was. I will probably read the dome one too sometime.
THE END
RATING 10/11 (FIRST THIRD), 14/22 (SECOND THIRD) , 32/63 (LAST THIRD).
by: eric.
“I’m country strong,
With my country song,
So sing along,
If yer country strong.”
Name one bad movie about the Country Music Industry.
If you’re at all like me you have only seen three (listed chronologically, order I’ve seen them and quality):
1. Nashville
2. Crazy Heart
3. Country Strong
And that’s a hell of a line up, no turds in the bunch. If there are more I don’t want to hear about them.
Asking to name a bad Country Music Industry movie is as hard as naming a bad Alex Haley book (although I haven’t read Queen, yet).
TRY IT MOTHERFUCKER
Country Strong, the latest offering is awesome. It’s basically a ripoff of one plot-line in Nashville but who gives a shit. It also contains elements of Fleetwood Mac (train wrecks, drugs, screwing) Carnage (the character you have sympathy shifts scene to scene), The Royal Tenenbaums (Gwenth Paltrow plays a loosely southern version of Margot and sometimes Tim McGraw is Raleigh St. Clair) and Gossip Girl (Leighton Meester plays a simultaneously fragile and instinctively manipulative chicky whose ambitions often get in the way of her heart). And of course the big question everyone is dying to know:
Does Gweneth Paltrow kill it?
Of couuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Rating:
Country Strong is Country STRONG
by: Eric 
Eric put the book down. He had enjoyed the dramatic turns and myths created by the author. But still a sense of something absent lingering. He felt tired and restless like he had taken a very long run but still could not stop moving.
To calm himself he put on Shuberts Symphany No. 9 on his stereo CD player. He made sure that the volume was not too loud to bother his neighbours.The gentle music allowed his mind to relax enough that he could consider the book without much emotion. He had found it entertaining and enjoyable. Haruki Murakami was a strong writer who was not afraid of constructing elaborate and odd fantasy worlds mixed with the banality of the real one. This book was no exception to his style and Eric always felt confused at the end of Haruki’s books. But this time was different. The confusion was not about loose ends but instead ached physically between his eyes.
Something was missing from his understanding. Despite it’s 1200+ pages there was not much of a conclusion yet it felt finished. If this were another author it would be a result of bad writing. It wasn’t these obvious things that were bothering him. He got up and got a beer from the refrigerator and poured it in a glass.
Sitting down he went over the problem again in his head. I enjoyed the book and did not mind the typical confusion and loose ends. I have a sense of missing something beyond these things. It feels like I’m a minor character in the book, witness to the drama of the protagonists and even their discoveries. But I am not able to experience them. I just have to watch. Like a Cat in the City of Cats.
By this time he had begun to get hungry so he prepared himself a simple meal. He took out some cabbage, fish, a couple eggs, cheese and bread. First he chopped up the cabbage and hard boiled the egg. Then he sliced the cheese and put the bread in the toaster. Then he fried the fish along with the cabbage adding a few simple spices. When he was finished he found he wasn’t hungry.
There is no sense in worrying about it, he thought to himself. I will have to think about this for a long time, perhaps years. If I want to understand the plot better I can just ask Charlie about it or read a summary on the internet. Whatever is bothering me will take enormous strength to resolve. It probably has something to do with the way he describes every single woman’s breasts. There seemed to be something to that…
Ho-ho, said the Little People. Whatever the fuck they were.