February 2012
4 posts
THE BIG BANG THEORY
by: eric. I didn’t think much of the Big Bang Theory. But I just put it on and the guy had built a robotic arm to jerk him off but it malfunctioned and he was afraid it would it rip his dong off. The viewer will notice that there was no attempt to make the robot arm look human. The Big Bang Theory rules. 3 Big Bags Of Approval
1 tag
My Dinner Tonight
by: erin.
Trynna eat a bit healthier. Which is what I say almost every day but so far I HAVE THE ENTIRE DAY ONE WHOLE DAY YES. (…still lots of time to binge on glorious bread and butter, etc).
For dinner I made something CLEAN-approved (eyeroll I know).
Ground turkey, mushrooms, onions, a ton of spices (tarragon, curry powder, sage, etcetc) on top of raw spinach and brown rice.
...
2 tags
11/22/63 BY STEPHEN KING
by: eric.
I have always avoided Stephen King books because I tend to avoid spooky shit in fiction. In real life I’m fine with potential paranormal places and situations such as supposedly haunted houses, grave yards, funeral homes and Pentecostal church services because I have yet to see any really spooky shit and have the long standing belief that, if I did, it would enhance my life...
NOT A REVIEW:Happy Birthday to Erin
January 2012
8 posts
COUNTRY STRONG
by: eric.
“I’m country strong,
With my country song,
So sing along,
If yer country strong.” Name one bad movie about the Country Music Industry.
If you’re at all like me you have only seen three (listed chronologically, order I’ve seen them and quality):
1. Nashville 2. Crazy Heart 3. Country Strong
And that’s a hell of a line up, no turds in the bunch. ...
1Q84
by: Eric Eric put the book down. He had enjoyed the dramatic turns and myths created by the author. But still a sense of something absent lingering. He felt tired and restless like he had taken a very long run but still could not stop moving. To calm himself he put on Shuberts Symphany No. 9 on his stereo CD player. He made sure that the volume was not too loud to bother his neighbours.The...
3 tags
Leo's Ability to Climb a Tree
by: erin.
leo has never been much of a climber. he isn’t good at it. he doesn’t really jump up on counters (well, until we got some stools to put at the island now he sits on them like people).
ahahahahhahaha.
so imagine my horror when i saw him climb up a tree.
a few months ago when my mom was visiting, he was following us down the street (which is normal) but then ran up a...
CIVILIZATION 5
by Eric. Asshole
I would rather be playing Civilization 5 then writing this entry. I just made peace with the Ottomons who, as a part of our treaty, gave me a bunch of cities. The only problem is that all of these extra cities, besides launching me into the top rank of the game, has caused a great deal of unhappiness among my people. This requires the necessity of a peace treaty with the...
2 tags
THE HIP DROP BY THE EXPLOSIONS
by: eric
For the record, nowhere in this review exists hyperbole. This song is so fucking good it gave god and satan a boner at the same time. Even the Buddah, free from all desire mind you, got a boner when he heard it.
It’s not a definitive sexual boner, although that can be a aspect of it, but a broader boner*, one that taps desire then specific hungers and urges. It fulfills every...
Counter Review: Mausoleum in a Warehouse Last...
by: eric. I too was at the concert, in fact I got there first, and also felt that Erin seemed too old. My big hang up was an actual quantifiable thing: I was too big. I couldn’t make it through the crowd. Any pursuit of my smaller companions resulted in just vile looks from most other people. And so I had to circumscribe the edge of the room (where the weirdos hung out) often getting stuck in...
4 tags
Mausoleum in a Warehouse Last Night
by: erin.
Last night A good while ago I was determined to see live music somewhere and it was eventually decided that it would be at a warehouse in an industrial area surrounded by train tracks and without any quick escape route should you be pursued by a murderer.
Like we got into a cab and said “take us to the location you would recommend for murdering” and we ended up at the...
2 tags
New Years 2011 (By the Seat of my Pants)
by: eric.
Stain Breakdown: 1. Mud 2. Blood (mine) 3. Vomit (not mine)
9/10
December 2011
8 posts
Anonymous asked: review a party you go to!
Anonymous asked: grand electric!
2 tags
DOG REPORT: Isabella (Izzy), Rottweiler, 4 Yrs
by: Eric Boshart
Pictured: Not actual dog Izzy is the type of dog who will steal a slice of pizza but instead of eating it, will pick it up with her mouth, bring it to you, set it down on the coffee table in front of you and wait for permission to eat it. This combination of two part obedience and one part rascal makes Isabella a dog to watch. Isabella is a rottweiler but she ain’t mean....
3 tags
The Need for a Crossing Guard at Old Weston Road...
by: Eric
Twice in a row I have been followed across the street by a crossing guard at the intersection of Old Weston Rd and Davenport at 1pm on a weekday afternoon and twice have I doubted the necessity of it.
I’m not one to needlessly complain about public safety but I am one to needlessly complain about wasted energy. I find “going through the motions” to be one of the rudest...
2 tags
The Egg Salad Sandwich I Had For Lunch
by: eric.
There are three kinds of meals I cook and an egg salad sandwich can be prepared under any of these kinds: planned meals, whipping something together meals and desperation meals. Today’s egg salad sandwich fell in the latter category. I guess I was more lazy than desperate when I decided to make the egg salad sandwich as I was very low on groceries and didn’t really...
2 tags
Grooner/Zvy-Gelt
by: erin.
I usually only get red wine if I’m going to cook with it or to drink it alongside red meat. However, a few weeks ago I bought a red wine, “zvy-gelt” “just because”- just because of the label. The truth is I almost always choose wines based on their labels (and if they’re under $12) but my preference is white so the label on the red wine really extra...
4 tags
The Ace
by: erin.
The Ace opened up the other week right beside Grateful Head (also new- a relocation), and I am intimidated. Is Roncesvalles getting too cool for me? I feel comfortable in Roncesvalles because there’s mostly old ladies that smell like cured meats and cheese aka MY PEOPLE. I dunno, there is just this extremely laid back non-judgey vibe here. Aside from my own insecurity issues,...
CRITCAL T.O. TWITTER FEED
by: Eric
https://twitter.com/#!/critical_to
Only a few tweets in but I predict our Critical T.O. Twitter feed will probably be the best tweet on the twit. I also don’t understand Twitter.
BUT what I DO understand is that the Critical T.O. Twitter feed will help fill in the time between BIG Reviews (on Tumblr) with LIL’reviews (on Twitter).
5 tags
Mikal Cronin S/T
by: erin.
The general feeling of the whole album (and Ty Segall’s “Melted”), is like, 60s surf pop happy fun Beach Boys meets chugging guitars/punkish/Stooges-ish something something attitude? Which I’ve learned is my very favourite genre. (I’m looking at you too, Women). He (and Segall…sorry cannot stop comparing them…they’re tight bros and...
November 2011
22 posts
Live Review 50/50
by: eric.
**SPOILER ALERTS, YOU GUYS**
THE FILM 50/50 Reviewed Live (AS I WATCH IT, EXCEPTION FOR PICTURES AND CAPTIONS)
-then edited by me
-then by Erin
SYNOPSIS
Of those new dramedy man movies about regular, sensitive but still definitely best friend material, guy who gets cancer.
Copied downloaded from the internet (IT HAPPENS HOLLYWOOD, DEAL WITH IT)
BEGINS
-Opens on classic style...
3 tags
The Cornbread I Baked Last Night
by: Eric.
“This cornbread steals the show!”
“Eric, this cornbread is amazing!”
“You’ve done it again.”
And the truth of the matter is is that I did do it again. True, some could argue that always bringing the same dish to a potluck type meal is safe. But the logic of that is pretty flimsy, much akin to asking a major league slugger to NOT hit a...
4 tags
The Third Floor Hair Boutique
by: erin.
The Third Floor is my favourite “hair place” I’ve ever been to in my life. It is on the third floor. I think that is funny and also a little ominous. Their website looks a bit like Avril Lavigne puked on it but the reality is there isn’t any black or pink in the entire space. Now that I think of it maybe they were trying to go with the ominousness of THE...
Tower Heist
by: Eric Plot Synopsis: ALAN ALDA plays a billionaire banker who lives in the penthouse of a MAJOR NYC tower apartment. Some daffy people decide to rob him. Alan with cast mate The film begins with Alan’s character swimming in the rooftop pool with a $100 bill painted on it. This is the movies’ perfect moment as the next twenty minutes or so is setting up Alan’s character as this ...
4 tags
Scout
by: erin.
This past Saturday I finally took the time to check out the newly opened Scout on Roncesvalles Ave. Super cute shit, you guys.
I (my Mom) bought this change purse. I am such a sucker for Canadiana 1970s-esque nostalgia blahblah. (see: 1974-1986 CBC logo, Hudson’s Bay Company point blankets, coats, etc, um, RUSH).
OUTSIDE
INSIDE
I like that in the about section of the...
Book Club: Ragtime by E. L. Doctorow
by: Eric BOOK 1 in the I STEPPED ON MY KOBO SO I READ WHATEVER I FIND IN A GROCERY BAG IN MY ROOM SERIES LOOK, I don’t like to overtly analyze books. I prefer to let books have their way with me while I read them, then I move on hoping that some ideas stick. And if they are any good they do stick and later, days, months, years, they echo in my head and I can go “ah” and feel very good about ...
2 tags
Dukan Diet
by: erin.
Girls on diets are super annoying.
Whining about being “fat” is usually just fishing for compliments.
I tried this because my clothes don’t fit the same anymore and I can’t afford to buy an entirely new wardrobe. If you are rich I would recommend just buying new clothes therefore circumventing the whole “annoying girl” bit.
There are three...
3 tags
Pravda Vodka Bar
by: Eric
In Soviet Russia drinks chase you (out the door)!
Nope.
Pravda is a dopey Soviet themed vodka bar. All the servers wear vaguely soviet military jackets. There are lots of Soviet decorations on the wall. Things looked Russian I guess. Everything is red. They serve vodka. Get it?!
I’m not against theme bars its just that this one was stupid. It’s not like I’m an expert on...
Erin going to see harold and kumar 3d Christmas...
by eric
0/3 Leos
5 tags
A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas
by: erin.
Last Sunday I realized it was my last night with MY! MOMS! COROLLA! and I had to take full advantage. Naturally, I thought, “let’s go to Etobicoke and see a retarded stoner movie completely sober!”.
I didn’t realize it was 3D until after the tickets had been purchased. I instantly panicked because I wear glasses, so like, A) WILL THEY FIT OVER MY GLASSES?! ...
2 tags
Dog Day-Deformer
by: erin.
I’m copying this post from myself. It fits better here anyway. Now with capitalization!
I always liked how gloomy Dog Day was, so I like how moody and boring this album is.
As for their sound being a bit sparse due to half of their members quitting, I am glad there is no keyboard. Girls should stop playing keyboards asap.
Plus, the most attractive pair are the ones still...
"Your Critics"
Please visit our brand new “Your Critics” page. Warning: Graphic Content.
4 tags
Black Eve on DEVIL'S NIGHT
by: erin.
Last night (EDIT: Over a week ago…I got lazy with posting) I went to a movie only because a friend was the director of photography. Otherwise, there’s no fucking way I’d have gone, let me tell you. I may seem pretty tough but really I’m a huge baby** when it comes to horror movies. Before it started I was stoked to notice a few kids under the age of 10 (12? 5? I...
4 tags
The Mystery of the Popcorn Found in the Popcorn...
by: eric.
Notice the mysterious green mold - Photos by Mike G
I actually hate a good riddle. If the answer is not immediate I get frustrated and very upset. Why create an imaginary problem to solve when there are so many REAL problems to solve (ie apartheid)? I realize I’m missing the point but to figure out the point is to engage a riddle. What I like are unsolved mysteries. No one...
Turkey Beefy Rice
by: eric.
Whipped up this little dish for lunch.
Recipe
Ingredients:
-rice
-ground turkey
-onion
-soy sauce Method:
Cook rice, fry cook ground turkey and onions until the ground turkey won’t kill you. Combine in serving bowl. Add soy sauce and not salad dressing because dude you are 26 years old and salad dressing is not a condiment you should use often. Eat and wonder what you...
Wearing a boot knife
by: eric.
The boot knife adds the option of easily brandishing a knife at a moments instance more covertly then a traditional knife placement (ie knife holster, tucked into waist in the small of back) would allow. Its simple enough: the knife itself is an ordinary smallish sharp stabby knife and the holster has a boot friendly clip. The idea is, upon gauging a sufficient threat, the...
4 tags
The New Mitzi's Sister
by: erin.
FAIL.
Mitzi’s Sister re-launched/redecorated/redesigned/whatever a month or two or three ago. I’ve only been in once since “the change” (yes, as ominous sounding as PUBERTY) and it was stupid in there. Once a kinda grimy, comforting black hole in Parkdale, it seems they are maybe trying to keep up with the more “upscale” shit moving into the...
critique of critical T.O.
by: erin.
hey guys. pretty much “hitting it out of the park” (baseball analogy) with this thing:
“this critical TO tumblr thing is wildly entertaining. i give it 0 out of 1 000 000 goatees (that’s good)”
- one of my ex-boyfriends.
Wendys Chili Cheese Nachos
by Eric
Ordering chili at a fast food restaurant is pervy. Pervy people order chili and a fresca then freak out that the restaurant doesnt serve Fresca so they order chili and two packets of butter AS IF THATS THE SAME THING. Fast food chili is for single people with brown station wagons who only own tapes recorded from numbers stations. On the flip side it’s totally not weird if you dump...
3 tags
Black Leo's Halloween Costume
by: erin.
1) The fit was a little off but that was my fault. Didn’t realize he was so fat.
2) However, I think he could’ve done a better job embodying the spirit of a pig. Like, check that cool cattitude at the door bro! This is a day to be someone you are not!
3) He pulled some dramatic shit like suddenly not being able to walk or move as soon as I put it on him?
Overall,...
4 tags
Kings & Queens Nefertiti Honey Body Butter
by: erin.
GIRLY ALERT! That’s right, I’m talking about BODY BUTTER. (whenever I am doing fake enthusiasm I always think of that hot air balloon sketch on SNL…remember?..oh, look, I found it. horrible quality but but.)
Anyway. When I look at this “body butter” (yuck!) I am instantly transported back to the year 2004 when things were simpler I mean horribly...
Review: Movember
by eric
Movember is when men grow moustaches in November for charity. GET IT? ISN’T THAT CUTE? MOVEMBER SCENARIO ACT 1, SCENE 1 SETTING OFFICE: MAN 1: Hey fellows, let’s grow moustaches! MAN 2: But moustaches aren’t cool, I read it in a blog or someone told me that once. Even though my father, his father etc probably had one. MAN 3: Yeah. They are only worn ironically, whatever...
1 tag
Book Report: Cockpit by Jerzy Kosinki
by: Eric
Cockpit is a great name for a novel, I really do think so. Do you remember the scene in the Royal Tenneaums when Eli Cash is being interviewed and begins to break down, whispering the name of his novel “Wildcat”?
*In my memory he says it multiple times but you get the drift. I found myself mimicking that whenever someone else asked what I was reading. “Cockpit…Cockpit,...
October 2011
5 posts
7 tags
Silver Dollar Friday October 28th
by: erin.
my boyfriend.
I liked the part where my friends band covered The Sonics. I really like the Sonics. I was happy they played “the witch”. Because I can relate to that song. Especially the following lyrics:
“….cause she’s a witch…doo doood aodaod dunnadunna dooooo.” etc.
Overall, 0/0.
me.
2 tags
Warehouse Bathroom on Curity Ave.
by: erin.
Sometimes you step out of your (mom’s) car and it smells like vanilla cloud cupcakes in the air because of the cookie factory down the street and you forget you’re about to pack ballots for a student election thingy in a warehouse and that the bathroom is reminiscent of a prison (I’m assuming here).
Positives:
• No mirror- can’t look yourself in the eyes and...
4 tags
King Street On a Friday Evening
by: erin.
I was driving my mom’s hot ride (that means “car”) east down King when traffic basically came to a standstill and I was like “oh, this is why biking is better. Too bad I sold my bike to buy tampons that one time.” THE REASON traffic was backed up was because a car basically rammed into a convenience store and both air bags (is that two words?) deployed...